ON and OFF Relationship
If you are in on again off again relationship you probably think you are going crazy.
This is the main symptom of such relationships.
Your relationship feels like a whole book full of short stories, but with the same characters.
Every few months, weeks or even days, the relationship ends, for no real reason, and somehow begins with a bizarre text message or just a message that attracts you to start all over again.
The good part of on again-off again;
You managed to design the relationship that way so it feels like a ‘crazy love’ almost obsession, as if he/she is the person you have loved the most all our lives.
And although you might think that you are the only side that feels that way, I promise you that you both feel the same!
The bad part of on-off relationship;
It is very difficult to stabilize on-again off-again relationship, because once we stabilized it, we lost some of the ‘high’ feeling that shaped the relationship so much.
Why does turning off and on again?
Usually, this happens when one side become emotionally overwhelmed and instead of opening a communication channel they prefer to walk away.
This can happen for a number of reasons and I will mention two mains:
1. Feeling of rejection – The ‘distant side’ interprets a certain behaviour of the other side as rejection, coldness and unwillingness to continue the relationship.
2. Hard work ahead of us – the ‘distant side’ sees behaviour he does not like and make a conclusion that this relationship required hard work before you can make it succussed. Therefore, instead of discuss about the issues they prefer to give up.
With their cooling they realize that their reaction was exaggerated, then they look there way back.
While the other party in the relationship – the recipient – does not confront them, and in fact by accepting their partner distancing and rapprochement, they nourishing this sickness situation.
Case-Study
Netta and Dav were in on-again off-again relationship for 1.5 years.
Netta told me that she felt unsecure in the relationship, but she also knows that Dav is the one for her.
She could not explain why it is happened, ‘We had a wonderful weekend together and the next day it took him hours to reply my text, so I understand he need a time off’.
– How do you understand it? I asked her, couldn’t he be just busy?
-I don’t know. He usually immediately replies my texts and that day, in the morning I felt his distant and then the time until he replied my text…
On the other hand, when Dav faces ‘difficulties’ in relationship or something he might interpret as difficulty he takes a step back, for him if a relationship required a ‘hard work’ it is not meant to be.
I found that in many cases of on-again off-again relationships, both sides have similar communication challenges. According Dr. Hendrix we fall in love with a partner who opens our childhood wounds and give us a chance to cure them.
How to fix an on again off again relationship?
This time the receiving side should take the reins.
Just before, I have to say it – There is a great difficulty in stabilizing on-off relationships, however you have to make it, this is one step forward in your wounds cure.
(1) Open a channel of close communication.
Therefore, you must first talk about your relationship strengthening, and of course you have – go and read about RARENESS foundation and SACRED BOND foundation. When you partner realize and agree you have a special connection, attractions and one in a life time love, lead them to the second stage
(2) Start talking about the elephant in the room; their inability to communicate when something batters them. BUT this time, make a decision; since you are both have communication challenges, otherwise you did not get this far, you both have to train on your communication skills, not just for this relationship but for yourselves! If someone has communication skills, they would face it from different relationship, family, friends and college. When you represent it that’s way, you both understand how much this important and might affect on your whole life.
Netta talked with Dev, and for her surprised he agreed. Dev admitted that this was his biggest weakness and he would love to take advantage of it, although he was afraid.
After 8 months they were able to stabilize the relationship, It was not easy, but it was worth it!
The 4
What makes a couple stay together and feel they have found the one? What makes a random encounter exceptional? How can you know if you have chosen the right person? How can you avoid wasting precious time? And how you can get your ex back?
The guide “The 4 Foundations of Love” is based on a fascinating study, in which a great number of successful couples were interviewed for one purpose: to capture the essence of their unique relationship – what makes them keep loving their partner years after they have met, or even love them more. According to an NLP model, these couples share the following 4 crucial foundations:
- RARENESS – the moment of realization that this is our destined partner.
- UNWRITTEN AGREEMENT – the essence of words used instinctively and their impact on the quality of the relationship.
- SACRED BOND – the relationship’s sacred element and the couple’s divine connection.
- FUTURE DIMENSION – the promise of a mutual future.
Hundreds of women who have implemented this method in their relationships, have claimed that it has restored their sense of confidence and control, created intimacy and power, and elevated their relationship to a unique level of spirituality. Thus, you can reshape your relationship and take to it the next level with joy and ease: without overbearing conversations, without trying to convince your partner, without games, and without waiting for your partner’s cooperation.
Mor Cohen
The author is a researcher and entrepreneur in the medical field. She has an M.Sc.Med and MBA, as well as being a qualified NLP therapist, assisting couples overcoming breakups and relationship crises.
Identifying and mapping the four foundations, is a focal tool the author has used in her work with hundreds of women going through a relationship crisis, looking to rectify their relationship status.
Applying the method with these women, showed that couples who already had the four elements (even if their needed strengthening) could easily reconnect and rectify their relationship. However, couples who didn’t have these elements, were more inclined to breakup, disconnect and move on.
In this book, the author describes the possibility of predicting the continuation of a relationship according to the existence and strength of these foundations. It also describes how prepare the ground for establishing them, to ensure your relationship becomes eternal.
